Trust in Times of CrisisBy Christian de la Huerta March 23, 2009.
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I was recently asked by someone who read my last newsletter to elaborate on how I knew that moving to Florida was the right thing for me. While contemplating that question I realized that this reflected a much bigger question about how I live my life.
In the same way I do when navigating a highway, I pay attention to and follow the signs. I stay open to messages or guidance from the Universe. For some, this may seem crazy or delusional, an airy-fairy approach. To the logical, strategizing mind that is afraid of change and is always in need of control, sure, it is insane.
That same part of ourselves seeks security in the ways and institutions of the world. These days, the folly of doing that is undeniable. At a time when the very foundations of our global economic system are imploding in front of our eyes, which is the more crazy approach? Let me try and use the process I experienced last year as a way to illustrate how things work for me.
This whole move to Florida started out over 18 months ago when I was minding my own business at home one beautiful summer night, while sitting in the hot tub underneath the redwood tree. I was thinking about nothing in particular when suddenly, out of the blue, the thought intruded on my awareness: "I am done here."
"Say what? Excuse me? What do you mean? I love my apartment!"
Innocent me. I thought we were talking about my apartment.
Within the month, my former partner of six years and I decided to separate. We had agreed from the onset that if at any point the relationship interfered with either of our growth processes, that would indicate it was time to move on. Unexpectedly, though perhaps not surprisingly in retrospect, a series of events, messages and realizations made it clear to us both that a shift was necessary. Though we still loved each other, we agreed that the form of the relationship needed to change in order to accommodate our spiritual evolution.
This tough, heartbreaking choice had the effect of freeing me from the necessity of being in Northern California, an area which I had called home for the past 20 years, and which I still love with heart and soul. At times I can hardly believe I am no longer based there.
Yet the reality is that I can do my work from wherever I am. Soon opportunities began to show up. I began to get invitations: to house sit a friend's gorgeous home outside New York during his extended business trip to Asia, then an incredible mansion in Key West during the summer, and spend a month at another friend's place in Hawaii. Adding up a month here, three there, I realized I could be gone most of the year, and decided to sublet my apartment in Marin County to a friend. I set off on my "year of the nomad."
Everything flowed easily and seemed to fall into place as if by magic or design, yet another way through which I gauge progress and the appropriateness of a choice. To be clear, however, challenges in the path do not necessarily indicate an unfavorable direction. And, as the story illustrates, this way of living is not about personal preferences, but rather, the highest good.
The opportunities started coming together like pieces in a puzzle. For example, my friend's house in Honolulu was available for only three weeks that year, which just happened to coincide with the week long retreat I had scheduled in the neighboring island of Molokai months earlier. As time unfolded, doors opened, opportunities revealed themselves, one thing led to the next; there was a sense of intelligent unfoldment, what I call Divine Choreography. Simply, there is no way I could have planned all this myself.
Interwoven throughout in a way that defied explanation were opportunities to revisit places from my past. For example, I was gifted with a trip to Cuba, and visited my homeland for the first time since emigrating at age 10. I also revisited Milledgeville, a small town in central Georgia were my family first lived for three years when we came to the U.S. As a foreigner and multiple outsider, I did not have very fond memories of this place; in fact, I remember thinking to myself when I moved away: "You'll have to pay me to set foot on this place again." Well, that is exactly what happened: last fall I was invited to speak there by a local university.
When the idea first came last December to move back to Miami, I was, again, minding my own business. In retrospect I almost feel like I was tricked into it, being taken there by the hand in a roundabout way, first having me warm up to the possibility of Key West. After the initial shock, the idea, which kept me up late into the night, began to make sense: my family lives there, and most of my work is taking place on the East Coast these days. Unable to sleep, I finally thought to myself: "OK, I'll consider this, but it has to be more than just a good idea. I need signs--clear signs."
Within 24 hours three major signs came, including two appealing professional opportunities and one in the personal arena. Shortly, support for the move--including an unexpected financial gift from a generous supporter that made possible the creation of a Miami center for my work--became so clear that, after much ambivalence and hesitation on my part, the appropriateness of the choice became undeniable. Shock yielded to resistance, which eventually evolved into acceptance and transformed into gratitude.
How can we tell whether something is a sign? How do we distinguish signs or authentic guidance from the "good ideas" stemming from our little minds, or egos?
One way to gauge the difference is to notice the tone and quality of the thought or idea: the voice of the ego tends to be loud, insistent, even grandiose; it thinks strategically and will come up with good logical reasons as it advocates for a desired outcome. The ego is fickle and may have a new grand idea within the week or even the hour. Conversely, the still small voice of the soul--or from the spiritual realms--comes from a much deeper and quiet place. Its messages are constant and steady; though subtle and often relegated by us to the background, they are persistent in their own way and will not leave us alone. Frequently they appear as gut feelings or an intuitive sense. The language of the soul is not convoluted, usually emerging as a simple "Yes" or "No" or "This is good for me."
It is important to keep an eye out for subtle -- and not so subtle -- confirmations. To me it feels as if the Universe itself conspires to make things happen. Synchronicities occur unexpectedly and in defiance of rational explanations. A song on the radio or even a billboard may convey a message. Last December I was driving from Miami to Key West deep in thought as I weighed the pros and cons of a larger house in Miami that would support group work and community building, or a smaller and more secluded writer's retreat in the Keys. In the midst of my "ambivalating" I suddenly snapped out of my reverie, glancing up just in time to notice a huge billboard screaming out: "Think Big!" When I drove by a couple days later the billboard had changed.
As we collectively navigate through rough waters during these challenging times, you might choose to tune in and pay attention to the subtle signs from the Universe. Be willing to place your trust on the not so obvious. Follow your heart, your intuition, your inner sense, your gut feelings. Trust, even if doing so defies the ways of the world, the consensus reality, even it feels irrational or defies explanation.
It works.
March 23, 2009.
